Raise your hand if you Taught your Mom how to Text?

Evan though it is slated as a Mother's Day sentiment I saw this, and had to share. 

Reflections, (and I miss my Boobs!)

Well, I stared off this Mother's Day post to write about my love and joy about being a Mom.
And Then I started to look through some old pictures to accompany said post.
And then I got a burst of creativity and started a video "slide show" with all of my pictures since becoming a Mom.
This however was taking forever and decided instead to make a snack (sesame crackers and garlic humus, my latest food addiction).

Then I decided to get back to my blog... and pick up where I left off, but in classic “Me” like fashion I had switched gears. I felt the need to focus on the entire Mom's in my life, how lucky I am to know so many wonderful women....

And then I thought that was also going to take too long and be border line "sappy", and thought well how about a "quote" or a poem about Mom's....
Of course with more pictures to go along....

And then I stumbled upon this picture:

And then this one...

And the next thing I knew this post turned into thoughts and reflections on my two Pregnancies.... Relatively fitting for Mother's Day I think..
It goes something like this...

Reasons why I don't miss being Pregnant:

1)      The Backache and Sciatica combo. Nope, I don't miss that one bit. Both showed up in both of my pregnancies. While my lower back ached constantly, I was also having painful leg spasms that shot down from my butt to my foot I was only allowed Tylenol and an ice pack. Totally bogus!!

2)      Couldn't Poop. This one speaks for itself honestly and no need to elaborate but man, what a cruel thing for your body to hold out on you like that when you are eating for two and carrying around a watermelon. I still hold a grudge towards my "slowed" digestion system for that one.

3)      Nausea followed by starving for anything, followed by more nausea, followed by could eat a Big Mac and a Plate of General Tao’s Chicken, followed by more nausea and wicked awful heartburn.

4)      No alcohol.

 I truly did miss this sadly, in fact in this picture of me, and my Ultra Sexy Gingham Maternity bathing suit, you will see I am holding a beer. But alas, it was a super crappy nonalcoholic version of beer called O'Doul's (BAH). I just had to participate somehow since my whole family can't seem to stay on the beach without an ice cold beer in hand. I grew up this way. Have beach? Have Beer (or Bloody Mary's)! And since I married a man who loves this philosophy as much as I did I was truly having withdraws on this trip. Some might mention I was a bit "cranky" and I am sure I was... But I was fat and achy couldn't enjoy my usual Bud Light and I was tired people! Which brings me to number 5...

5) Fatigue... Oh lord. The first trimester and the 3rd trimester all I wanted to do was sleep... And most of the time I couldn't. If it wasn’t the heartburn it was my child playing hockey within my uterus. His favorite scoring shot? My ribs or (for extra fun) my "Who Who." Also called the "Pelvic Floor" as my OB described to me one in a matter of fact type way. He was male. I sometimes hated him.

6) Swelling and Gas. I think it is safe to say that the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy I was easily mistaken for a Hot Air Blimp. Puffy, swollen, stretched to the max and full of hot air. This was also the phase where my husband (for some reason) decided to point out the fact that my nose had "shifted"
I sometimes hated him too.

7) Insecurities and a bit of the "crazies".. On the days when I didn’t hate my husband I was convinced he was going to leave me. In fact so convinced was I one day that I actually followed him to the local Starbucks and waited for him to flirt with the barista who was much slimmer, cuter and Non-pregnant than me. He of course never left me, and only reassured me of his love for me when I would fling my swollen butt into his arms and plea with him if I was pretty and hoped he still found me attractive while me and my "shifting" nose turned red and runny from all the crying.

Reasons on Why I miss being Pregnant.....

1) My BOOBS!!!

Back when I was still pumping and had clevage

 I didn't have any before pregnancy (I am barely a 34 B and when I say barely I mean BARELY...) After the kiddo's and rounds of nursing and pumping I not only lost my sassy girls I also suffered from a case of "Invert-a-titus". Not sure what that is??  I will explain. Take your boob, turn it inside out and flatten. Leave only the nipple. There you go.

2)       The ability to eat what I wanted when I wanted and how much I wanted. I was lucky. Both pregnancies were normal and healthy. Sure I gained 40 lbs each pregnancy but that wasn’t my fault.  I had decided to breed with a man who comes from a long line of heavy pounders. . His own mother birthed him at over 10 lbs. She still hasn't forgiven him. I can’t say I blame her...

3)      The butterflies.... Sigh I really do miss this part. That first flutter  the first tickle coming within. I loved and savored just about every minute of that. And as the baby got bigger I was able to provide my husband with nonstop entertainment of watching my huge belly jump up and down, slide from side to side and when we were feeling extra crazy would lay the TV remote on top of me and watch it get kicked off. Good times!!!!

4)       The Ultrasounds process. Okay how wicked cool are ultra sounds now? Even in my day (only 6 years ago thank you very much) they weren't as cool with all the 3-D and movie like effects... But I remember being so excited for each and every ultra sounds we had. To see, to hear to watch, was truly a wonderful moment for me and my husband who was just as memorized as I.

5)       Pampering. From getting out of having to take any part of when we packed up and moved from our old house to our current one, to also being able to park much closer to stores thanks to the “Reserved for Expectant" mothers parking spots. I got offered seats all the time, was given extra special glances (usually from the sweet little old ladies) and on occasion my husband would suffer through an obligatory foot rub and then reward himself afterwards with a glass of scotch. The extra TLC was great and of course always appreciated.

Of course what I will miss the most, the real story here is that exact moment when you become a Mom weather it is your first second or fifth, that very breath you take the minute you see him or her…  Well that is something every Mom could never ever get tired of nor could ever get enough of.  I don't think a day has gone by when I haven't thought about or reflected on that since first glance at both of my boys.

My first Eye Contact with Evan in the recovery room

And Ryan who was a NICU baby.

And all the swollen, nose shifting, backaching, heartburning lose the bobbies moments I sure am glad that My world is fully of Mommy hupla.  The good the bad, the scary and downright entertaining that has left me with six wonderful years to reflect on and be greatful for.
So here to all the Mommies out there, and all the past, present and future moments all to be taken with the camera of our own hearts, to be treasured for a lifetime of  reflections

With love,
Mary

P.S.  I still found a Quote.

A baby asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

"Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."

God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."

Again the child asked, "And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?"

God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"Who will protect me?"

God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it's life."

"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

God said, "Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."

"You will simply call her, 'Mom.'"

• Unknown

A Soccer Mom's Confession - And A New Sheriff in Town.

Confession Tuesday: 

I Have judged you in the past... I didn't mean too...  every Mom has their "Ahh haa.." moment from time to time.  This was one of mine...  I would love to hear one of your's.

First, let me clear the air, for most of my late teens and early adult life I judged the so called "Soccer Mom." I admit it... I did. The mini vans, the line up of bobbing little heads visible through the back window. The sluggish way the Mommy drove and the bumper stickers,(or recently the magnet decals). Oh the magnet decals!  Yes I judged! I am very guilty of the evil, evil judgment of these poor innocent Moms.
So here goes, I sincerely apologize to all the Moms I gave dirty looks too, cussed at and judged so wrongly. If you ever thought there would be a payback day for me that moment has now arrived (stop your snickering). I officially became a soccer mom when we signed up Evan and Ryan for a youth soccer league. But I officially "officially" became a soccer Mom when I went to their first game.
I can sum up the experience in a few simple sentences:
1) There is never and will never be enough memory space in the camera and getting the perfect shot is more stressful and challenging than watching either child score a goal.
2) Both boys are without a doubt the most talented kids on the team. Sure, every Mom thinks the same thing about their kids but it is MY precious babies who are perfect. Well that is until Evan does score (but for the other team) and Ryan manages to get his cleats tangled in the soccer net.  This however does not matter since I got a great shot of both!
3) There is a well communicated and fair  rotation of Mom’s who are in charge of bringing the snacks and when one Mom in particular forgets (accidently) to bring that snack you will suffer fierce silent treatment even after you whole heartily attempt to hand out sticks of gum to make up for the blunder. 
5) All soccer shorts, no matter how well they fit, cause wedgies!  And there will be a contest as to whose child can mess with their wedgies the most (not an ideal photo moment).

So there you have it, my official look into to this new world. But now it is here where I need to introduce the husband in this story. Yes, my husband Chris does get left out from time to time in my ventures with the boys. Mainly because to date just about any and all of my extra circular activities have been with me, myself and I. Kindermusick, Gymboree, Art lessons, Play dates, Park dates, Swim dates, oh the list is endless. But here, here the husband enters the picture because a) it's sports related b) other Dads are involved and c) it is sports related.

Since the boys have been babies Chris has always been hands on Dad. He has jumped in when I needed, he has provided for us so I can stay home with them and he never ever judges me when I go for that second glass of wine to help me unwind from a stressful day. But for the most part it has been me as the front runner when it involves activities with the kids that take place outside the house. So we enter new territory here. Daddy is the "go to" guy. Daddy teaches, Daddy shows and Daddy gets them a cool soccer net and super cool new soccer shoes. Daddy pumps them up when they fall during practice and Daddy knows exactly when and where to insert tough love. I for the first time in awhile find myself no long their expert. When another little boy (we will call him Satan Jr.) knocks over Evan or Ryan and the result is tears, I respond by running towards said crying child with arms wide open and my "Mommy is here" speech. However, new rules new coach, new tactic, new sheriff in town. My husband is in charge now so I let him respond (well actually I don't really have a choice since Chris has tied and gagged me to my lawn chair), But there he goes, making his way to the child and within minutes child is up, smiling, wiping grass off of his knee and is back in the game. Chris walks back with a cool and calm swagger and I find myself fascinated... How did he do that? How did he stay so calm? Who is this person, and why is he all the sudden in charge?
Furthermore why doesn't this bother me?
Because when all is said and done he is the right man for the job. Just like I am the right one (and most qualified most of the time) for mine. I take care of boo boo's, bad dreams, crafts that involve endless use of a glue stick and a case of the sniffles. I cook, chaperon, event plan, organize and chauffeur. I love them in a soul wrenching way, love from the inside out, which means that just about anything and everything in my life revolves round them.
Until I realize that not everything has too.
It's actually really, really helpful to realize this and to also realize that Daddy is every bit the soccer Mom that I am.
Because we may differ on our sideline techniques but we agree on one thing:
Satan Jr. must go down...soon....very, very soon...
And I will get a picture!

Hubby with the boys (who are so over mommy and her camera) pose with their trophies after their last game.

Quotable Monday

"Before children; My evening baths involved Dead Sea Salts, reading and a glass of red wine.  After children: bath involves Mr. Bubble, a bit of toddler pee and explaining to my son that boobs are Mommy's...."

Leah Marchesani, Myersville, Maryland
Mom, friend, real, hilarious!

Funny Video of the Day

Try not to smile as you watch this adorable baby react to the Mom blowing her nose.  Something so routine and simple causes something so CUTE!

I Dunno...

When my sister and I were kids, I remember my parents watching Bill Cosby on HBO and laughing like they have never laughed before.  She and I would exchange eye rolls at our goofball parents, but we would laugh along simply because Bill Cosby just "sounded" funny.
Now that I am a parent, I laugh on a different level because I completely understand what Cosby is not only saying here, but enjoy his truthful and hilarious remarks because boy, I have SO been there.  How many times have you heard "THIS IS MINE...  I DON'T KNOW....."
Smart and clean comedy by one of the greatest comedians ever who reminds me that we are NOT alone.  Enjoy!

Check out some Funny Stuff

Laughter is an instant vacation.  ~Milton Berle

Click on link below to take you to the funny page

http://lakeside-chatter.blogspot.com/p/funny-stuff_19.html

New Baby-Lesson's Learned - A Fathers Take!

Hello Chatter friends.  Today I am happy to have Guest writer (and my male BFF) offer a funny look at life as a new Dad.
I wanted to share this for two reasons, first Steve is a fantastic writer and second it is always good to have an insight to the male brain durning a huge life changing event.  Especially if that male is your husband. 
I remember my own precious dear having a MAJOR "Culture Shock look on his face from 0-9 months.  Now I sort of understand more or less where he was coming from.
Enjoy Steve's perspective as a new Dad and make sure you visit his blog Baby Vladimir and My Thoughts
"Something tells me, after my vast one month of experience, that is parenthood in general. I am going to start with a list of things I didn’t know and learned in the last few weeks.
• I didn’t know that women bleed from their nether regions for up to 6 weeks after they give birth. Once again, I do not know how you women can do this whole pregnancy birth thing.

• I knew that you weren’t supposed to have sex for at least 6 weeks after the birth. What I didn’t know is that I wouldn’t really notice or care and the reasons are plentiful. Not the least of which is the previous point, as well as sleep deprivation and, for me, the underlying sense of being on the verge of panic for no real reason.

• I didn’t know how much of an effect Leah’s diet had on Vince’s level of gastrointestinal distress. (Women, for the sake of you, your baby and the possibility of sleep, avoid onions and garlic)

• I didn’t know that a woman’s nipple could actually get long enough to actually start to bend under its own weight.

• I didn’t know that mother’s milk does not come out of a single hole, but more like a sprinkler head.

• I didn’t know I could get so comfortable with a woman (even though she is my wife) flopping her boob out in mid sentence and have someone sucking on it and barely notice or care.

• I didn’t know the worst part of the whole pregnancy thing for women, at least Leah, is hemorrhoids. That more than anything is making Leah nervous about even the idea of having a second child.

• I didn’t know the level of guilt I would feel every time the baby is being cared for by me and starts crying and the only thing I can think to do is hand him back to Leah because I think he is hungry.

• It never occurred to me how ridiculously hard it is to figure out how to help someone who has absolutely no way of communicating with you other than screaming. It is like having a senile Italian grandmother under your care.

• I didn’t know how far baby boys could pee. If it were proportionate I would be able to pee from my desk to the office bathroom which is down the hall and has 2 doors.

• I didn’t realize how much I could care less about getting baby poop on me. I do realize this will change and probably fairly soon. But for now it is like being at a cook out and getting French’s mustard with some pepper flecks on my hand. Just wipe it off.

Those of you we talk to on a regular basis know how good and non-fussy Vincent has been over the first month. It has really been amazing. Here is the weird thing though. Even with having a great baby who sleeps pretty well and eats regularly and doesn’t even cry when being bathed, Leah and I still are exhausted, have very little chance of eating at the same time, can’t get through a single 30 minute show with any focus, sleeping for more than 3 hours at a clip is not even dreamt of and I have spent less time doing anything that is about me than I ever thought possible. So, my question is this… How in the world do people with Twins, or fussy babies, or colicky babies keep from just sitting in whimpering pool of their own excrement mumbling “why why why…” I have never had to schedule peeing, or showering, or checking email, or even eating, before. Seriously. Here is the type of conversations that is typical throughout the day. “Can you hold him for a sec, I have to…” or “He is sleeping, so can you stay nearby because I have to…” or “If that dog puts her cold nose on him one more time I am going to rip out her…”
With all of this, I have lost all sense of what is going on in the world. Have we caught Bin Laden? Does the economy still blow? Has my house gained enough value to not be an upside down mortgage anymore? Did the Caps win the Stanley Cup? Have the Cubs won a World Series? Have we found Hoffa? Thank God for the Internet. With that I can find out what happened while I am getting used to being a father.

Stephen Marchesani - Husband to Leah, Father to Vincent (now age 1 1/2)